October 9, 2012

Persistent Prayer: Pastor Ken Redford preached on this topic on Sunday. Really spoke to me, and I never had thought of prayer in this way before. I want to continue to be persistent in my prayer. And as Audrey pointed out, that when we pray God will give us more of the Holy Spirit (Luke 11:1-13).

Incarnational Missionaries: Talked about this in class today. Seeing the nature of the Church (Ecclesiology) in the light of Christ's life (Christology). Christ was sent by the Father, and He is now sending us.

Running in the mountains: Got to run 4 miles with my good friend Donnie Hinshaw today. Got to breathe really hard, talk about God, and connect on a physical & spiritual level.

Climbing up Soldier Mountain: Took the remainder of my lunch break today and climbed up to the top. Great view. Love finding God in the mountains.

October 4, 2012

Something that I have completely enjoyed and totally didn't expect in moving was already having such a close spiritual friend and brother in Christ Jesus. My relationship with this person started almost immeaditely and it was very clearly him pursuing my friendship, which was great! The conversations, prayers, encouragement, and laughter that we have been able to share together have been completely life giving and a wonderful gift from God.

Even yesterday I got to go with him to help cut down some massive tree limbs at another person's house. Serving side by side and helping this person with something that they couldn't do by themselves was great. And then last night sitting around a fire with our wives sharing stories and connecting in ways that never would have happened unless we were sitting around a fire. It was great. Truly a gift. Thanks be to God for our spiritual friends!

September 27, 2012

God has been showing me that no matter what life throws at us, He will walk with us through that. Hearing stories from people about the hurts and pain that they have experienced in their lives, or seeing it in their face as they tell you their story can seem very disheartening. Could even cause the one hearing to not want to get involved in the other person's pain. "Don't want to bring that into my life," they might say.
All around us, in every single person their is pain. There are stories that are dark. But, maybe it should be a bigger but...
BUT,
God is in the business of redemption. Of healing. Of hope. Of love. Of new beginnings.
He is victorious! And one of my gifts to offer as a Pastor is God. God the Redeemer, Healer, Lover of their souls.

AND MY SOUL TOO!

September 20, 2012

This week has felt off.
It's one of those things where you just can't quite put your finger on it, but you know it's there.
Which in some ways can make it even more frustrating than knowing what is wrong.

I like clear cut things in my life.
If I'm given too many choices or my life is too loose than I revert to stagnation.
Yet, on the other hand if I'm too busy or things are too rigid I want to rebel against those as well.

Is finding balance in life a continual practice?
I think so...
And as I type that I'm a little disheartened knowing that I will always be testing, evaluating, etc... to make sure that my life is balanced right. It's not finding the balance and then it's always good. It takes constant work and effort.

September 17, 2012

One of the great things about being an Associate Pastor is the fact that you don't have to preach every Sunday. I have really enjoyed this on a few different levels.

The first being that I don't have to prepare a sermon every week. I get at least 2 weeks every time. This helps in the preparation, marination?, and overall delivery of the sermon in my opinion.

Second, I get to hear someone else (Senior Pastor) preach. I get to share in the knowledge and work that he has put in, the words that God has given him that week.

Some notes from this last week's sermon:

"You just can't keep us from Jesus." - I really liked this quote.

Spiritual Growth doesn't happen by accident.

Develop good spiritual habits. Don't focus on the mess, focus on Christ.

Praise the Lord for not having to preach every Sunday!

September 11, 2012

Lord,

I thank You for the cool breeze this morning.
For the warmth of the sunshine.
And how they offset each other.

Thank You for coffee.
For Your love for me.

Help me Lord to continue to seek after You when things get difficult or I get busy.
You are my rock.
Yet, often times instead of standing on the Rock, I choose to swim alone,
and then I wonder why I am struggling or getting tired.
Don't let me lose sight of You.

Amen.

September 08, 2012

God has been bringing the theme of "family" more and more into the forefront of my life lately. Granted, it has been within some of the books that we are reading for the Master's Program, but also just in life.
Seeing how much affect we can have in our families, and the fact that if we all took care of our families 1st, quite a few of the "bigger" problems within society would take care of themselves because our families would be strong.
I guess my mindset has shifted some reading Crouch's "Culture Making". The realization that the places we have the most influence are the smaller ones. Individuals, families, small groups, close friends, Church.
Moving from the inside out rather than make a huge push and focus for something grandios only to have it fail or not reach it's potential because the infrastructure of individuals and families isn't there.

September 1, 2012

In the "Good and Beautiful Community" this week we read about doing peculiar acts for someone. Something out of the ordinary and generally nice. Something that isn't really expected by our standards of living for today. I have been racking my brain all week as to what to do that would be "really good".
Not really the point of the exercise. Chalk it up to humanity, vain-glory, wanting to be the best, etc... but I really wanted to be able to say I did this amazing thing for someone! Not necessarily because of my love for them, or out of my time spent with Jesus, but because I wanted to "win" at this training exercise.
And reflecting back on this week today, I'm glad that God didn't allow me to think of that thing. That I was humbled before Him. I did pick up the dishes when I was a guest at someone's home. They weren't expecting that.

August 27, 2012

Met with my new mentor/partner for the apprenticeship section of class today. I'm guessing I'm the only one in the cohort who has had a different one each time? It is what it is I guess. Well, the meeting went good and it was an honor to share some time with my partner.
One of the things that stuck out to me in the 1st chapter of Good & Beautiful Community was the soul training exercise. Doing something peculiar for someone. Audrey's parents just came to visit and gave us a book called "Love Does" by Bob Goff. I'd heard of the book and wanted to read it ever since it came out, but with ALL the reading for my Master's I hadn't purchased it. The premise of the book is exactly what the soul training exercise is for this week. Let your love do something. Marry the faith in Christ with the actions of Christ.

I will be on the lookout this week as how to fulfill this!

August 20, 2012

As Dave Williams says, "Back in the saddle." This phrase actually applies to me in 2 ways. 1. Starting up my 2nd year/3rd Semester of my Master's Program. and 2. I am back working as a full time Associate Pastor in a Church. I was hired at Meridian Friends Church in Meridian, Idaho on July 15, 2012. I'm not going to lie and say everything about moving, getting back into full time ministry, and everything else that comes when you uproot and leave a place you have been for a while was easy. There have been some definite rough patches in the last month and half. Yet, at the same time, we know that God has called us here for a purpose.
Starting up the Master's again brings on its own set of emotions separate from the rest of life. I am excited about the reading, and also dreading the reading. Excited about our weekly discussions and not knowing how I'm going to fit it all in. Mostly ups and downs concerning it all.

So I guess my first post is to new beginnings?

April 29, 2012

What has God been showing me? To be honest with others in my life. To stop trying to hide behind the facade that everything is perfect. To lead from a place of brokenness and openness. To be in a place with Christ where I don't have to feel like I have to have all the answers and have it all together.

April 25, 2012

"Lord, help us to see that our well-being is inextricably bound to the well-being of our neighbor. Our sorrows are shared. Our longings are shared. Our fears are shared. Enable us also to share compassion, patience, and courage today. Amen." God has really been putting community smack into the middle of my face for the past few weeks. This is something that I want to get better at.

April 20, 2012

Right now I am sitting in "Little Bear" Cabin at Camp Quaker Ridge. It's early in the morning and the sun is just rising up over all of the Pine Trees. I'm drinking Starbucks Coffee and eating my breakfast inside, warm and cozy. Audrey and I have been able to come here for a couple of days. We really needed to get away from Haviland and have some time to seek after the Lord and what He has in store for us next. Quaker Ridge has become a place of change for me. I never thought that it would be when I first came here, but everytime I have come something inside of me changes. Well, that generally leads to outside change as well. In October 2011 it led us to leave Kemmerer and move to Haviland. In early March, I really felt God saying it was time to move forward - nothing in Haviland was really opening up. And here I am again mid-April where I have learned more about myself. Each of these times here have not been easy. They have actually been pretty tough. God throws down the gauntlant in the mountains. I am left with nothing else but Him. Right now we are waiting. Waiting for what God has next, and in the meantime we are relying on Him.

April 12, 2012

"We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer I really liked this quote as I read it. But the more time you spend thinking about what this actually says the more you start to realize that this might not be something that is "liked" when it is happening. What I mean is that usually when we are interuppted we see whatever it is as a hassle or bother. It generally comes at the times when we are busy doing something else and our minds are completely occupied with that task. So being interuppted by God means that I am going to have to let go of my agenda, my plans, my control over not only whatever I'm doing at the moment, but if I truly want God to be my everything than I have to give up my life. Interesting how such a seemingly simple sentence can have such deep meaning and connotation.

April 6, 2012

Today is Good Friday. This is the first time in over 6 years that I have not had to do something to prepare for Holy Week. It has been different. Usually, today marks the start of a very busy weekend in leading people through the death and resurrection of Jesus. But not this year. I've been sick for the past few days and honestly today feels no different than any other day. If we are supposed to enter in to the crucifixion and pain and suffering today than I guess I feel like I am. My hope is almost on empty, I'm confused about life, I am depressed. I don't know where my place is. It makes sense that the disciples were so questioning of Jesus' resurrection. In the middle of suffering it is really hard to believe that something better is coming, and then even when it does we want to make sure. We want the real thing, not some glimmer of hope that's only going to lead to more suffering because it's not real.

April 2, 2012

Watchman Nee (China, 1903-1972) God must bring us to a point - I cannot tell you how it will be, but He will do it - where, through a deep and dark experience, our natural power is touched and fundamentally weakened, so that we no longer dare trust ourselves. He has had to deal with some of us very harshly, and take us through difficult and painful ways, in order to get us there... But then at last it is that He can begin to use us. We would like to have death and resurrection put together within one hour of each other. We cannot face the thought that God will keep us aside for so long a time; we cannot bear to wait. And I cannot tell you how long He will take, but in principle I think it is quite safe to say this, that there will be a definite period when He will keep you there... All is in darkness, but it is only for a night. It must indeed be a full night, but that is all. Afterwards you will find that everything is given back to you in glorious resurrection; and nothing can measure the difference between what was before and what now is! Praying that the morning comes quickly for my soul.

April 1, 2012

Today marks the start of a new month. I really can't believe how quickly the months have seemed to fly by since we have been here in Haviland. Returning home from face2face doesn't really feel that long ago, yet here we are fully into spring in Kansas. Already turning on the AC (which we never had in Wyoming-didn't need it). Where have I seen God this week? Good question... I was drawn to the prayers that Dave used on Thursday night in class, I have had good conversation with friends, and I am going to say that I have seen Him in the difficulties of this week. It has been a tougher week in general.

March 29, 2012

The last chapter in the Good and Beautiful Life talked about lying. How we all lie constantly on a daily basis, hardly even registering that we have done it. I think I fall into this trap quite often. Saying something to get out of a situation that I might not really want to be in rather than just telling the truth about it. It is easier to tell a lie than it is to tell the truth. You don't have to reveal what is truly going on in your life, you can keep people at bay and at the surface with small little lies. In the book Jim says that we are usually appalled when we find out that we have been lied to, but I think that sometimes people are okay with accepting the little lie because they don't really want to know what's going on with you anyway. It's more effort on their part to actually deal with who you really are, so they accept the small lie on the surface because they don't want to go deep either. But easy isn't best. I feel like I have always known this, but when it comes right down to it, I still want easy in the midst of the hard. I have a hard time really remembering that it's the hard things that make me stronger, that make my faith grow, that change who I am. When I am in the middle of something hard, I just want it to be over. Somehow I want to make the connection in the moment - that this hard thing is producing something lasting - making it worth it.

March 14, 2012

Coming back from F2F in Colorado was a transition. After being immersed in the class times, structure, mountains, etc... coming back to "normal" life has been a little bit difficult. I'm glad to be home, don't get me wrong, but entering back into life here and figuring out life in the future has been a bit of a burden. I feel like I am in a place where I've healed/recovered from the past and I'm ready to move forward, I just don't totally know where that is yet. I'm praying for direction...

March 2, 2012

F2F - Day 5 Dave Williams Notes Journaling Exercise: The Prayer of Examen Thinking back over the past 24 hours I am thankful for a good night of sleep after not sleeping very well before that. I thank you Lord for being with Audrey yesterday, for giving her a good day and good conversation and good friends to be with while I am here away. I thank You, Lord for how prayer has been a significant part of yesterday and today. Your presence is real in this place, even in the midst of tiredness, longing, and feeling alone. Thank you for Your strength, Your love, and Your sustaining. When or where in the past 24 hours were you cooperating with God most fully? When were you resting? I feel like I was cooperating with God the most this morning during our prayer time. I really felt compelled by God to pray for spiritual protection from the devil. It was welling up inside of me, and I knew that it was God who was putting it there to pray for everyone in the cohort and for their families and friends. I would also say that last night talking to Audrey on Skype felt like cooperating with God. Connecting with my best friend and hearing all about her day and how God was moving in her life felt like a connection between us and God all at the same time. Giving Him glory and honor in all the ways He worked in both of our lives. I was resting when I was asleep! And it was the best night of rest that I have had so far in being here! Beginning today, how do you want to live your life differently? What patterns do you want to keep living tomorrow? I want to continue to grow in my prayer life, both solitary prayer and, spouse prayer, and communal prayer. Times of prayer this week have been especially moving to me. I also think that structure has been a good thing for me this week. This is something that Audrey and I have talked about just in the past few weeks and it seems to have made itself even more clear being here this week with a very set structure. That is a pattern I want to follow at home.

March 1, 2012

F2F - Day 4 Dave Williams Notes Journaling Exercise: "As the dust settles from all that we have read and discussed this morning, what rises to the surface of your soul?" Here are a few things that I underlined from the reading this morning: These are from Julian of Norwich. "God is as homey as a favorite quilt." "I only wanted to have the compassion I thought a loving soul would have for Jesus by witnessing His suffering." "Jesus, both God and man, who suffered for me." "I saw three properties. The first is that God made it, the second is that God loves it, the third is that God preserves it." These are from John Woolman. "The fear of man brings a snare." "The Lord's tender mercies are over all His works, and His ear is open to the cries and groans of the oppressed." - A few things rise to my soul out of these. Seeing the love of God as a quilt, that it wraps and enfolds me and feels warm and secure no matter how cold it is outside. Also, seeing that Christ suffered for me, why should I not suffer for Him? How convicting is that statement when I whine about my circumstances. And not being afraid to dive into something that God has called me to do because of the fear of man, or what they might think or say. "How is God speaking to you, and what is He calling you to do about it?" I guess in my mind it is continually coming to the realization that God loves me, loves me, loves me, loves me. Always. In my falling God's love is not diminished. It is heightened. And the second thing is looking for needs in my immediate community where I can engage in "social justice." And what my passions and convictions are within the social justice stream. How can I help people with what my passions and gifts are. Example: Audrey helping Christina for free. I love that about her. "What's the one thing that you will do from hearing from God this morning?" - With this I'm not sure of yet.... He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it." (Luke 11:28 NIV)

February 23, 2012

Well, we are coming up on Face 2 Face, our week long intensive, set at Camp Quaker Ridge in Woodland Park, CO. In one sense I am really excited about the time there again. About what God is going to show all of us, how He is going to work in me, and being up in the mountains. And at the same time I have apprehension over it all too. Leaving Audrey for over a week is going to be hard, facing things that God might bring into my life that I might not necessarily want to face, etc... It's a both/and. A God thing that happened this past week was that I am reading Spiritual Friendship by Aelred, and I am also in a men's study going through Disciplines of a Godly Man, and the chapter that we talked about Wed. was on friendship. It was neat to see the similarities between the two books and also that I got an opportunity to share about what I had been reading from Aelred.

February 19, 2012

Wow! This week I have been reading Spiritual Friendship by Aelred of Revelux and it's something that I have never really thought about before. The true act of friendship and what it looks like and having Christ at the center of those friendships. Friendship is not something that I have really entered into with a specific purpose. It has just kind of happened, and I've never gone deeper into what true spiritual friendship should be. One of the things that caught me by surprise was that Aelred said at one point in his life he knew he wasn't fit to be somebody's friend. That we need to have things in our life in a place where we are able to be a friend. I've never thought that before. I am looking forward to reading further to see what else comes to the surface.

February 18, 2012

With the reading this week from Inside Out, I have been looking more "beneath the surface" of myself. This transition is not an easy one. I have had to say sorry to my wife more than once this week once I have been able to process through some of my emotions. But it has been good at the same time too. Being able to realize why I have acted in the way that I did, and pinpointing it. The next part, and in my mind, maybe the biggest is the continuation of this process in a habitual way.

February 10, 2012

Journal Entry #2 Over the past few weeks Audrey and I have set a goal for each week. The first one we did was to run 29 miles in the week of my birthday. Boom, done. The second one for the second week was to do a Body Rock Workout everyday of the week. Boom, done. This week the goal has been to read Psalm 46 at least once a day and to memorize the entire Psalm. Reading the Psalm has been accomplished so far, the memorizing part is still in the works, but we do have until Sunday. Not gonna lie this week has been a hard one. There have been some things that have happened that just haven't been very good. But Psalm 46 has been a beacon of hope and light through some of the darkness. Here is a question for you, just play along with me. Did God make this week harder because we were reading Psalm 46, or did God know this week was going to be hard and He have us Psalm 46 for something to hold onto through it all? I don't know the answer. Here is Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:1-11 NIV) Thank You Lord for Your Promises.

February 9, 2012

It has been a while since I have been able to blog since I don't have internet access at my house. This doesn't mean however that I have been slacking. I have really been looking forward to the time where I actually had time to write down some of the thoughts and things that have been happening. So I'm going to break these up into a few different posts so I don't end up with one giant one. The first thing that I want to journal about is that I got to go watch KU Basketball at Allen Fieldhouse for the first time in my life! It was an incredible experience being there with all the people, noise, and hype. Not something that I will forget anytime soon. The seating capacity in Allen Fieldhouse is 16,300 and as we were sitting there with everyone else around us, I was reminded of the story about Jesus feeding the 5,000. And if you have 5,000 men not counting women and children I think it would be fair to guess that there could have been close to 16,000. It was really eye opening to have that many people tangibally sitting in one place and then imagining that they were all listening to Jesus speak, and then even more astonishing is that they were all fed with a few fish and some bread. And in Scripture everyone was full. I'm not sure the amount of food served that night at the basketball game, but I can tell you that it was a lot, and I know that not everyone was fully satisfied. I guess the biggest thing that hit me was how incredible that story is, and it happened twice! I could just imagine all of us sitting there in Allen Fieldhouse ripping off a piece of bread, passing it onto the next person, them ripping off a piece, and it just continuing. His miracles are amazing...

January 31, 2012

I really can't believe that it is going to be February tomorrow. Time has flown by this past month. I am currently reading through St. Benedict's Rule for my next class session. It has been hard to get engaged in. The gist of the book is dealing with Monastic life and what that should look like from the times of prayer to sleeping arrangements to dealing with somebody who doesn't follow the rules. I am looking for the things that transcend just the Monastic lifestyle, but so far those have been few and far between. I took a walk with Audrey this evening and saw God in the beauty and creation of the sky, clouds, and sunset. It was so gorgeous outside. I really can't believe how warm it has been lately. I will totally take it!

January 29, 2012

I have really been enjoying every aspect of my Masters this semester. The reading that I have done has been stirring within me. The times that I have met with my mentor/partner to discuss the good and beautiful God. And even finishing up my first paper have all been life giving and God inspired in my life. God has been using all of these different ways to grow and stretch me, and I believe, prepare me for the future. I am seeing this time in my life as very formative for the rest of my life. I feel that through my Masters course work I am learning more and more about myself, my passions, my giftings, other people, and God.

January 15, 2012

I have started my next semester of my Masters Course Work. I am excited about all that this semester has to offer, especially how God is going to show up in all of the reading and conversations between classmates and professors. The book that I am currently reading is, "Streams Of Living Water" by Richard Foster.
There have been quite a few things that have struck me in this book, but maybe one of the biggest is the draw that God seems to have placed in my heart for the Charismatic Stream. When I was reading about St. Francis of Assisi, I was utterly struck by his faith in God, and by some of the amazing things that God did through his life. I think that the draw is that I haven't really experienced it very much. The Contemplative Stream is something that I am very famaliar with, and I think that I can grow a lot through looking more at the Charismatic Stream.
That is something that I want to go deeper into.